Oh yeah, I finished one poem the other day. It's no big deal really, the darn poem was all about me. And here it goes.

I am far from being ordinary
Some say I'm a lil bitchy
But I don't care, it's my life
Go away, stab yourself with a knife

I'm not vain,I'm not pretty
I even talk real dirty
I come home late I smoke, I drink,I curse
Yet thing's will get even more worse

This is insanity, I am insane
I can't help it, I can't stop the pain
I talk too much, It gets out of control
Please, can you find my lost soul?

Oh yeah, I talk shit. Ahahahaha... xoxo

I'm not feeling well :( I have this really annoying cough. Aw, I wish this would go away by friday or saturday :(

xoxo

I'm in love with someone. Yup, he knows it... I guess. But I know I'm not that good in expressing it. Well, you can't blame me, I'm still adjusting. Haha, who are you kidding lon? You know damn well what's the reason. Yeah yeah. Maybe it's because he isn't what I thought he would be. I really don't mind him having those things and all, it's just that... does he ever give a f*ck about me?

Maybe... I guess. Oh, I suck bigtime.

Why am I writing it all here? Because I know that he ain't gonna read this. He's too busy, uh huh. Way too busy.

Pathetic, sucks.

Whatever happened to that effin essay writing contest? Bakit wala pang result? Haha, I'm not expecting to win naman eh. Lol, well if ever I'd get to win even 3rd place lang that'd be so freakin' crazy Lmao.

Anyway, I miss writing darn poems. Idk, walang inspiration eh. It's so effin hard to start writing something yet pag nakastart na, ideas would flow in like crazy. Hay, I miss those days *sigh* . Plus, when kaya ako maka write ng short story? Lol, kasi naman po di na short story yung nagagawa ko. It's some kind of a novel thingy like ng SV series. And it's pretty crazy cuz after two chapters I'd get tired of the concept and I'd like to create another one again. Pretty crazy huh? Idk, I need more practice plus I need to read more. Ideas, imagination, patience... where the hell are you?

Haha, sana sa next entry ko I'd get to post my new work na. Yeah, dream on! Lol. xoxo

Hey, I'm happy today. Haha, idk why basta i feel happy. I'm in a great mood and I love it.
Nothing new to brag so hanggang dito lang muna ako. xoxo

It's what?Almost 11 pm yet I'm restless considering the fact that I have a very early class tomorrow (7:30 am). Oh damn, I know why. Because I'm damned brokenhearted again. Sheesh, watta lousy word. Sheesh. I'm still not over him.

Well, It's one of those days when even though everyone around you are already screaming their lungs out, you still can't hear nor feel anything. It's as if you're void of any emotions and depression is slowly eating you. Hay, I can't help it. It's something I can't fight back.

Well, wala na kaming klase sa last period namin which is NatSci kasi may seminar ung teacher namin so here I am, nakatunganga infront of the monitor. Today was, hmm mmkay. Nothing new, just the same ol' routine and I'm getting bored with it. No lakwatsa for this week para payagan ako ng mga oldies mg lakwatsa next week (which is kadayawan week).

Hay,kakabored. I don't have any online buddies. :(

I’m a sucker for mushy things, but not everyone knows it. They think that my heart is made of steel and that I’m not capable of loving anyone. Just because I sneer all the time and that I look like a ragamuffin child doesn’t mean that I’m an ignorant of love’s existence. I’m a self-confessed love junkie who loves to be in love yet always gets her heart broken.

As long as I could remember, I was always fat. People would point at me and say “pinabayaan sa kusina” and I would get pissed off. At first I would cry, but eventually I got used to it. And then I said to myself, I would never let anyone put me down. And after that, whenever someone would call me “Pig!” that child would go home with a black eye while crying his or her heart out. And that thing went on and on for years until one day my Home Economics teacher told us that in order to be called emotionally matured, you should think before you act and wouldn’t be affected by what others say of you. So yeah, I tried to ignore their mocking and I succeeded, I think

I thought that was the end of it. But I was wrong, teenage life can be pretty drastic if you’re an ugly fat kid like me.

Yeah, I know I’m not pretty. Everyone says so. But I don’t care, I really don’t care. Who cares anyway? But that doesn’t mean that they can take my love for granted. How many times had I cried because of some stupid crushes? How many times had I cried because I realized that nobody will (uh!) love me, that nobody will love a big fat ugly loser? But hey, that was all in the past now. I’ve learned my lesson, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. So what if I’m not pretty? So what if I can’t live up to your expectations? I just realized it now; nobody has the right to hurt me emotionally or physically.

But then, someone entered the scene. At first I thought he was different from the rest, but hey, boys will always be boys. In the beginning he pretended that he loved me, that he truly cared for me, but I hoped too much. Everything was just a lie. But that didn’t stop me from loving him.

Sometimes, I want to hit myself for wanting this certain someone so much I agreed to be his toy. And most of the time, I tried to stop self-pitying. Self-pitying will get me nowhere. Now I kept telling everyone that I have plenty of crushes but the truth is, I may have a battalion of crushes, only one person can make me lose control of myself. That the mere touch of him can ignite the strongest flame and can make me forget all inhibitions.

That someone is my Zahir, my obsession. He’s everywhere, and I’m jailed by his memories. I want to be over him but I don’t know how. He’s always there, when I wake up in the morning and whenever I close my eyes every night. Why can’t he love me? Why does he only see me as a toy? Am I not worth loving? Too many unanswered questions.

Words are not enough to express what I feel. I’m a little mixed up and it’s actually making me crazy. I see him every now and then and it’s killing me slowly how he pretends that he doesn’t know me. I want to cry, but I can’t. It isn’t right.

Big girls don’t cry.

I can be your cinderella xoxo

School sucks, my teacher hates me and i hate them too. Bla, they think they're so smart ha! Bummer, I was absent for like two meetings and they think they have the right to diss me na. Tsk tsk, Now you know why I effin hate school. My teachers hates me because I ain't charming and that their effin charms wouldn't work on me. Fuck

Now enough of the hate post, here's what's better:

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your shirt?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God she was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch her skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any girl you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Boy I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Yeah, you know it will always just be me xoxo