I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens..

..and I'm not one so maybe I should shut the fuck up and shouldn't expect too much or shouldn't expect anything at all but that'd be stupid. Know what I'm saying?

Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
Who call and say - come dance with me
And murmur vague obsceneties
To ugly girls like me, at seventeen

So very true, haha.

xXx- I also posted this one at my myspace blog. :]

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now... I've got to go my own way.

I like the message of the song, maybe It's because I can relate to it. Anyway, here I am, sick and desperate to talk to my Zahir. My zahir, I thought I was over the zahir and I'd never experience having a zahir again. But I was wrong. And here I am, madly in love with someone whom I thought LOVED me in return. Past tense right? Well, you have to guess it by yourself. Am I making any sense?

I'm still not over HIM. My Zahir.

Is it bad to miss someone? Oh hell, I've been missing this certain person for like several days now and it sure is killing me. Was it MY fault? No, I don't think so. Yet, he didn't gave me the effin chance to defend myself. If he DID love me, why didn't he fight for me? Was it all just for fun? Was it only a one-sided affair?Too many questions.


Everything's getting very tiring. I'm so sick and tired of being left alone. I'm tired of listening to lousy excuses and broken promises.

There are certain times in our life that we suddenly feel so deprived of certain things. Haha, I dunno but that suddenly popped into my mixed-up mind. Anyway, life can be pretty drastic (skip this part if you've read it a million times already). 'Tis so unfair, so confusing, so... drop dead crazy. Some things are not meant to be yet why do I always make pilit of myself? He he, that's the result of too much pancit. I think I should stop eating, haha.. let's try die-it baby (get it?) wahahaha.

I've promised to myself eons ago that I should stop eating. Wahaha, well maybe not stop but at least lessen my food intake. But i don't think I can take it, haha. Gluttony, nyaks. The power of too much food intake, it has multiple effects on you. It can cause depression, insecurity and the likes. Waa, thinking 'bout it maybe I SHOULD start losing wait pretty fast. And I mean fast.

I should have started my diet weeks ago. Sheesh, time is running out and I am desperate to lose effin weight.

School, I am beginning to hate school even more. I don't attend school activites and I know what the result will be, yep sanction. Oh bitch, I just hate everything and everyone in school. I want to transfer to another school, a place where no one will recognize me. I so hate smc. I've been there for almost all my life, starting from 1st grade and upto now, 2nd year. Oh yea, fidelity award baby (not that I'm proud of it, of course not!). Anyway, I feel guilty for not doing good in school but I can't help it, school brings out the devil in me. Yet I won't promise anything. Uh huh, no way.

---------- XxX ---------

There's plenty of things that I wanna do: I wanna have a lip pierce, tatoo somewhere in my fat body (undecided), dye my hair (not all, just some portions), travel the world, and write stories. Well, that's just some from my neverending list of wishes.

I wish wishes do come true. :[

---------- XxX ---------

Anyway, we just celebrated our first month together! Although we didn't had the chance to chat, he called later around 1:03:10 am just to greet me. So sweet of him, I love him even more xoxo. I'm willing to wait even if it takes a lifetime. *Sigh* The distance is killing me. Oh sweet misery.

But, you're worth the wait sweetie. I love you even though I'm not that good in expressing it.

I love you, I miss you and I'm willing to wait.

I so hate school. I'd tell you why.

This morning during Filipino class, our effin teacher got pissed off with some of my classmates for not participating in the just celebrated Araw ng Wika. She got pissed off that she started dissing my classmates, she asked one in particular "So, you all agreed not to attend the activity?" and my classmate spoke up and said "No ma'am, it was just a coincident that the five of us were absent during the acitivity". Our effin teacher got mad and said "Don't talk back! I didn't ask for your answer. Kung maldita ka, mas maldita ko!" (Well, sorry for those who don't understood Cebuano). Bitch, I hate her soooo much and you know what's worse? She said that we have to bring our parents so that they should know what the hell we were doin' in school. Hah! No way, no fuckin way. Bagsak na kung bagsak, but I won't let my parents come to school. I (or rather WE) have to face the war all by ourselves. Rawr, I getting pissed off.

It's been quite a while since I last posted some shitnitz in here, I was a lil busy with school. Homeworks, effin projects the likes.

Anyway, It's September already! Oh how time flies so damn fast and the next thing I know, 'tis sembreak already. Ahaha, I hope I won't flunk any subjects this year. Tsk tsk.

I am insane. I talk too much, I effin hate school. It's not the school that I hate actually, It's the people. Wtf, oh yea kill me baby.

I'm missing someone so badddllyy. Ily him so damn much. Last night, I accidentally read his blog and I admit I was hurt. I can't help it. :(

Oh yeah, I finished one poem the other day. It's no big deal really, the darn poem was all about me. And here it goes.

I am far from being ordinary
Some say I'm a lil bitchy
But I don't care, it's my life
Go away, stab yourself with a knife

I'm not vain,I'm not pretty
I even talk real dirty
I come home late I smoke, I drink,I curse
Yet thing's will get even more worse

This is insanity, I am insane
I can't help it, I can't stop the pain
I talk too much, It gets out of control
Please, can you find my lost soul?

Oh yeah, I talk shit. Ahahahaha... xoxo

I'm not feeling well :( I have this really annoying cough. Aw, I wish this would go away by friday or saturday :(

xoxo